Had a rough week. I became aware of warning signs all over the place. Reaching for sugar. Eating till overly full. Lack of sleep. Clenching back teeth. yes, there were warning signs galore. I felt wound up, exhausted, tense, jittery, unable to focus. I went in to see Tatiana Saturday and let it all hang out. Yes, as Reg has pointed out, this is no time to be fucking around with my anti depressant. I went back to the regular dosage. T thought as I agree, that will help even out the rough patches.
so how do i feel about talking with Tatiana. She is very calm soothing and understanding. I feel validated. She refers to my caretaking as a traumatic event. a part of me feels like - finally, someone who sees the effect that had on me and recognizes it. who doesn't think somehow it should be ancient history. I'm so glad I did it, and have no regrets, but need to work through my feelings.
She says to write. I feel blocked. This is feeling forced. My shoulders are tensing.
Positives are that I am working out again. Joined TAC and am very happy about it. Also going to cape may this weekend. and celebrating Abby tomorrow for her 21st. All good things. Seeing M Thursday. My rock, my love. I'm looking forward to a good night's rest.
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